Religion a la Carte

This week on Mom.me, I wrote about finding a compromise between organized religion (which is not for us) and raising Jewish children.

For the last several years, we’ve been on the hunt for a religious institution to attend as a family—perhaps not every Saturday, but, you know, occasionally. We knew when I was pregnant with Archer that we would raise our kids Jewish, because that is what they are. (Seven-eighths, anyway. Hal is Jewish and my dad is Jewish and my mom is half Jewish—and, well, their last name is Isaacson.)

Hal grew up in a small town where being Jewish was anomalous, and while he felt the need to hide his Jewishness as a child, it was incredibly important to him that our kids did not.

For me, it was different. I grew up in a “hippy beach down” where “all of the above” was the way to go. I went to temple sporadically (to see my grandpa sing, mainly), attended Christian youth group Bible Study with my friends once a week, meditated in the Self-Realization Fellowship gardens (my best friend growing up was SRF) and danced with the local Hare Krishnas.

But perhaps bigger than all of that was the “World Religion Class” my mom taught in our living room every Sunday. It was important to her that we find our own spiritual paths so every week we read from different books of worship and studied the ONE GOD pervasive in all religious contexts. You know those "COEXIST" stickers? That was my childhood. That is my mother. That is my hometown. (My mom also sang in the Unitarian Universalist Choir, because of course.)

My dad on the other hand, although raised Jewish, was (and still is) an agnostic and was a reluctant bystander to our family’s spiritual exploration.

I always assumed I would raise my kids the same way I was raised, but when Hal and I got together and talked about how we would raise the son I was newly pregnant with and Hal told me straight up that raising him Jewish was hugely important to him, I agreed.

Our problem, though, has always been an inability to find a temple that suits us. Over the years we have tried on several for size. We have looked into various Jewish preschools and attended various services, but never have we felt comfortable in any of the environments. On the contrary, we both felt incredibly uncomfortable at all of the services we attended because organized religion does that to both of us...

Anyway, we knew from the beginning we would send our kids to Hebrew School but it wasn’t until we found something called Hebrew Helpers, here in LA, that we found our perfect fit.

Temple à la Carte, I like to call it. We have teamed up with another family and will be doing twice-monthly classes here at home, similar to what my mother did for us growing up, but heavy on the Judaism part.

The kids’ can have their Bar/Bat Mitzvah(s) at the beach if they want to, or a forest or a train station, their Nana’s garden— wherever it is that makes (them) feel whole and spiritually alive. AND I LOVE THAT. "Create your own house of worship, become the man/woman you want to be in the place that moves you most..."

I feel so fortunate to live in a time (and a place) where options like this exist for people like us who straddle the line between WANTING their kids to have a religious experience and feeling uncomfortable with THE religious experience. We do not have to believe in organized religion to respect and learn about Judaism. There is not a one-size-fits all when it comes to belief in God or any spiritual experience, not to us, anyway, and the fact that we can pool our collective knowledge gained through two very different upbringings and smash it all together, makes everything feel... right.

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You can read the whole post, here, and as always I would love to hear from you guys on this. I know religion is a tricky topic, especially in mixed faith households and I am always curious how people incorporate spirituality/religious study, especially when organized religion isn't for them. Thanks in advance for sharing.

GGC