"Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues forth from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now!”
–Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Begin it. Or, perhaps, continue...
(Thanks, Kate.)
My "other shore" is a script I've been working on for the last decade which is a very long time to be working on something that is still in scattered draft form. It's hysterical, really, but the longer I have spent with this story, the closer I have become to all of these ideas and instead of just trying to finish the fucking screenplay already, last year I decided I wanted to make it myself. The crazy thing is, I am 100% confident that I can do it, which is perhaps a complete delusion, but there you have it. Sometimes delusion pays dividends. And yet, admitting that "I want to make a movie" publicly makes me feel like a kindergartener proclaiming that she wants to grow up and be a unicorn. (Which is what I did, by the way. And I meant it.)
After yesterday's post, I started thinking about signs and how looking for them is futile... In the same way one cannot sit and wait for good things to happen. Waiting is death. Waiting is crazy-making. Waiting is releasing all the power we don't even know we have. We are not passive creatures. We are not rocks. Signs look for us but only when we aren't expecting them.
"Surprise! The universe is listening and wants to give you a high-five."
...And I wondered, how many times in my life have I waited...have I stared out a window fishing for an idea instead of creating one?
And then, in all my stirring and mumbling, nail picking, hair playing, it occurred to me: SATELLITES.
For satellites are man made things INTENTIONALLY placed into orbit.
Man made moons.
Man made "signs" or reminders or dreams that aren't just a figment but an actual doing... a beginning, a tangible thing that exists because I created it or you created it or we created it or we all created it together.
Not that a satellite will ever compete with the moon... the moon is divine. The moon is magic. Signs will always be my religion because they are life's magic tricks. But the satellites? Those are ours to build and send out into orbit. Those are ours to draft and redraft and tear up and start new and launch into the great unknown after ten years or twenty years or a lifetime of being bold and fearless and flawed. Satellites are ours to point to and move toward and recognize and guide/be guided by.
I will always look for the moon first, but on the nights when it can't be seen and the days when it disappears ... satellites.
And so, I am hereby declaring this my 2014 theme song:
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