Words with Friends: Miya

The following post is the first of two posts sponsored by the American Cancer Society's More Birthdays Campaign. 100% of the proceeds of this post will be donated (back) to the American Cancer Society on Miya's behalf.

Miya on Halloween, 2000

I first met Miya (pronounced me-ya) in 2000 when I lived in a house full of dudes, one of which would later became Miya's boyfriend. I was nineteen when we met and she taught me the ropes of Los Angeles. It was she who took me to my first party in the hills, snuck me into my first bar, crashed with me on couches, our feet in each other's faces. At night we'd chase each other down Fairfax with stamps on our hands and in the morning, climb Runyan Canyon together nursing our hangovers with Venti iced-coffees.

Miya with our then boyfriends, 2002

Miya, 2003

We stayed friends over the years, through career changes and life changes. I married and then she married and at the beginning of this year, she and her husband decided they were ready to start a family. She even started a blog about what she thought would be her journey. That changed when two weeks later, Miya found a lump in her breast. The following is an interview I did with her, beautiful friend, wife, ass-kicker about her last nine months fighting breast cancer. (Spoiler Alert: After this week's radiation, Miya will be free and clear and in remission! Hooray!)

Name: Miya

Friend since: 2000
Type of cancer: Breast, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, Stage 2/Grade 3

Diagnosed: February, 2011
Age:36

GGC: In February you found a lump in your breast. What was your first thought upon finding the lump and then later finding out it was cancerous?

Miya: When I first found the lump, I was nervous. It was completely out of the ordinary, and it seemed like it came out of the blue. I check myself often, but I slacked for a few months and then there it was. I went to the Dr. (my Dr. was out so I was seen by another Dr.) and he checked it and said it was fine. He said it was probably just a calcium deposit. He didn’t seem alarmed. I went home and obsessed about it for days. I finally said F’ it and made another appointment to see MY Dr. She felt the lump and immediately scheduled a mammogram. They found the mass during the mammogram, then immediately did an ultrasound where they were able to gage the size of the mass. They did a biopsy a week later. I felt like everything was moving in slow motion and my heart was sinking each day. Then I got the call. It was cancer. I immediately felt like I was going to die. I felt sad about all the people I would miss and all of the things I didn’t experience in my life. I was so scared! I cried and cried. I was filled with regret on how I took my health for granted. I’m really glad I stood up for myself and pushed to see another Dr. If I would have waited longer to have my mastectomy/lymph node dissection my diagnosis could have been far worse. I was already at Stage 2 with 2 lymph nodes affected. If I waited, the cancer could have spread to my other lymph nodes and other organs. I’m blessed that I’m neurotic, I guess.

with her husband, pre-chemo

GGC: You had just started your blog "nightlife to nine months" about your journey from party girl to mom when you found you had breast cancer. Your third entry you announce the news not that you're pregnant but that you have breast cancer and since, your blog has been about a very new kind of journey. How has keeping a blog helped you? Are there other blogs about women enduring cancer that inspire you?

Miya: I think my blog helped me tremendously. It was a place I could tell my story. At times when things were way too heavy (which was a lot), the blog made me feel like I was telling someone else’s story. It took me out of the chaos of the situation. I needed to step out of myself in order to preserve myself. I didn’t read other blogs/message boards in the beginning. I was trying to build up my mental strength and hope, I was afraid to read things that would scare me or take me down. I recently starting following Chiagal.com because she posts pictures every two weeks of her hair growth. I needed to see what the road back to hair would look like. She is really funny, too! I also read purpleismycolor.com. She’s a friend I made on IHadCancer.com and has been an amazing support to me.

GGC: I loved the post where you're modeling all of your wigs. It reminded me of that scene in Sex and the City where Samantha is trying to match her own hair and eventually says "screw it!" and goes out in a neon pink wig a la Foxy Brown. How often did you wear a wig and at some point were you like, "screw this! I'm a hot bald chick!" (You are crazy hot with no hair, btw.)

Miya: I really couldn’t stand wearing wigs, but I REALLY couldn’t stand being bald more. I never wore them at home only when I went to the store, which was not that often. I wore scarves too, but those scream out “I’m sick” more than wigs. I felt like I couldn’t win. My head would get cold, so I had to wear something. I did use (and still do) a pink knit beanie. It was a gift from volunteers at the hospital on my first day of chemo. When I first saw it I truthfully thought it was ugly. Now it’s like a baby blanket I can’t let go of. I will keep it forever. It was my go to cover up when I was at home. It made me feel less self-conscious. I never went bald. I’m only now able to walk around without a cover up. (cause my hair’s back, yay!!)

Miya in her "blankie" beanie with husband, Jeremy

GGC: When you found out you had cancer you immediately went to fertility clinic to freeze your eggs so they wouldn't be effected by the chemo. Can you tell us a little about how that all went down? What is was like?

Miya: When I found out there was no escaping chemo, my Dr. suggested we freeze embryos. A friend of mine told me about Santa Monica Fertility. I called and got in within a few days. At the consultation, I explained my situation. They offer a discount to women with cancer, which was amazing. We did an ultrasound to check my eggs right on the spot. The timing was perfect so they started my fertility treatments that day! I had daily shots to the belly, which sucked, but was worth it. A few weeks later we had 8 embryos on ice!

GGC: Last week you posted your first "hair regrowth" pic. How does it feel to lose your hair and then watch it come back?

Miya: Outside of being diagnosed with cancer, losing my hair was really devastating. I knew it was going to happen. I prepared for it, got my hair cut really short, bought wigs, scarves, etc. When it happened it was shocking, I was panicked. I was crying and shaking. My husband came running into the bathroom when he heard me screaming. I was standing in the shower crying, holding little pieces of hair. After a Xanax and many conversations with my husband and parents, I calmed down. I think I was very connected to my hair and the image of me WITH hair. It was beyond difficult to see it disappear. To see that person disappear. I was no longer that Miya. I would now be the Miya who had cancer. After spending so many months with no hair or eyebrows watching my hair grow back is exciting! I wish it would grow faster, but I’m grateful for each and every hair. I feel reborn, the new “me” is here and ready for whatever comes my way.

Miya with her mama

GGC: How has the last year changed you? How has it changed your relationship with yourself? Your husband? How do you think it will change you as a mother?

Miya: This last year has made me more appreciative of life and all it’s moments good and bad. I got reconnected to my spiritual side. Having faith in God and his plan for me made this journey uplifting rather than miserable. I won’t lie, chemo was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced, but I’m thankful to have gone through it to save my life. I will not ever take my health for granted again, meaning I’ll make better choices to ensure I stay healthy. Eat better, sleep better, and exercise more. I feel like my husband and I have grown closer. I’ve seen first hand through adversity how strong our love is. I’ve learned that my obsession with perfection (beauty wise) is not important and not something I should spend my days trying to achieve. I’m perfect in my own special way, with all my imperfections. I won’t be able to try for a child for five years (I’ll be on Tamoxifen, a hormone therapy), and even then my Dr. thinks it may not be a good idea to carry a baby. I’m estrogen positive, which means my cancer feeds on estrogen, which makes it grow fast. As you know, when you're pregnant your hormones go out of control, which could possibly bring the cancer back. This is pretty rough to hear, so my husband and I are going to take it day by day. See where the road takes us. Baby or no baby we’ll have each other.

GGC: You are one of the most positive women I know. In fact, reading your blog and facebook updates, you continuously blow my mind. Cancer is a dark place and yet, in every photo you post, you look AMAZING. Radiant, even. (That was not a radiation pun, by the way.) Where do you gather your strength and what is your advice for women having a hard time finding theirs?

Miya: Thank you for the compliment! I wasn’t so positive when this began. I was very, Why is this happening to me?, I’m going to have to live the rest of my life hoping this never comes back. I prayed to God a lot. I made the decision to not spend the time I have on this earth worrying about things I cannot control. I’m doing all the treatment available to me and that’s all I can do. I have to really enjoy every minute I have, cause I’ve seen how quickly everything can go away. I feel sad that this happened to me and sad for the stress it caused my husband, family, and friends, but I also feel it changed my life for the better. I’m calmer, kinder, and more open to love. I used to let things get to me. I was very sensitive and my feelings were hurt fairly easily. When you go through the ups and downs of a Cancer diagnosis and then treatment, you learn quickly how to adapt and become your own cheerleader. You have to keep yourself positive in order to get through.... Cancer made me a stronger person and I feel blessed to have a second chance at life.

GGC: Lastly, if you could give your pre-cancer self life advice, what would it be?

Miya: I would tell my pre-cancer self to slow down!! Stop living in the past and stop allowing the negative things in the past dictate the quality of your life.

Miya at the top of Runyan Canyon, 2011

(Thank you, Miya for sharing your life with us. You're amazing.)

GGC

...You can follow Miya's journey on her blog, here.