Thirty-Two Weeks

Have you ever had a hunch about something? Of course you have! Hooray for hunches! Well, here is mine: September 22nd (one month from today!) = R&B's Record Release Party. And by record release party I mean birth. Day. Maybe it's because Fable was born the 2nd of October or maybe it's the symmetry of 22/11 but I've had this hunch for a while. The babes will be 36+ weeks at that point. Fable was born at 38 weeks. And we're getting down to the wire, here, so I may as well start making guesses.

And yes, Fable rocks two different shoes sometimes. It's her thing. (Hal took Fable to get smoothies after this picture was taken and some lady was like, "Excuse me. Your daughter has two different shoes on." Fable responded by striking her fiercest pose and screaming, "TA-DAAAAAAAAAA!")

This week, I am 200 pounds of pure vagina power. (Yes, I'm still on the three vagina thing - I only have a few more weeks to talk about my three vaginas so you're just going to have to deal.) Babies are now transverse (they seem to be rotating clockwise together) which means little pressure on my nether area. Solid. I seem to be feeling better and better as this pregnancy progresses which is weird.

The other day we got caught in insane bumper-to-bumper Hollywood-during-rush-hour traffic which resulted in tears of the can't-stop-laughing persuasion thanks to (my heroes) several large watermelon. I had purchased them earlier in the day and every time we stopped, then went, a watermelon would lurch forward and slam against the trunk. It could have been the most heinous drive ever. We were all exhausted, frustrated by the traffic, knackered and grumpy after a long day and yet, once again, watermelon SAVED THE DAY!

I spent Saturday in Ojai, grey-haired person capital of the world (seriously. EVERY PERSON we saw had grey hair, even the kids. I told my parents they need to move there STAT. I kept double-taking every time a woman passed - my mom's age with my mom's hair, style, love of canvas health-food-store totes... ) If Ojai was a person it would be Wendy Woolf.

I was there for my friend, Dani's Bachelorette Weekend and nothing says "Bachelorette weekend!" like a giant pregnant lady lying by the pool, or, in my case wading in the pool as various items of floatation surrounded me like I was their mother ship.

So apparently (we learned) there is something called "The Pink Moment" which occurs in, like, three places on earth (Ojai included) and happens ten minutes before the sun sets - cloaking the mountains and the skies with a deep pink. Naturally, we set out to find such a moment via camping out on the side of a road overlooking the mountainous horizon and to our absolute HORROR, found no such thing:

waiting for the "pink moment" on the side of the road

We did, however, see a sunset. And it looked like any other sunset. We decided that Ojai was a genius to re-brand "sunset" with "pink moment" and convince tourists such as us to stand like a bunch of idiots on the side of the road staring off into the distance... waiting. You got us, Ojai! You and your pink moment got us!

Speaking of Pink Moments...

Everywhere I go someone audibly mumbles "did you see that woman? Poor thing looks like she's going to pop" and then I spill my water bottle between my legs and SCREAM! Just kidding. I don't really do that but I should.

I DO pull a flask from my purse every time a stranger asks when I'm due.

"What do you mean, due?" I say, swigging from flask.

(I don't do that either.)

Another funny thing to do when you're extremely pregnant is to buy a pregnancy test. This was not my idea (one of the ladies at Dani's party recommended I do this while buying her cigarettes at the local Ojai drug store) but it's a rather genius one, I think.

"The cigarettes aren't for me. The pregnancy test however..."

sister of the bride, Ojai party house (via skampy)

I was sad to leave Saturday night, bummed I couldn't stay for the long weekend, but not nearly as heartbroken as I'll be next month, missing Dani's wedding (I'll likely be giving birth on or around her wedding day). Dani has been one of my closest friends since we first met in 7th grade and it breaks me that I won't be there to watch her walk down the aisle, to do her makeup as we'd planned, to dance with her and cheer for her and support her and her husband-to-be who is also wonderful and I love him.

But I was able to be there this weekend which was rad. And I got to be with her last month when she bought her wedding dress which was incredibly special (the dress is BEYOND gorgeous - perfect, really. As uniquely special as she) and I get to be here for her always, and there for her in spirit, and she knows that. (I hope she knows that.) I love you, D.

I'm actually really enjoying the end of my pregnancy-- this last month of carrying around a preposterous looking bod, waddling down the street in fucked-up ensembles because nothing fits me anymore. I cherish the moments when the babies move, hiccup, push the right side of my belly up like it's a parachute at a child's music class...

People keep asking if I intend to keep working when the babies arrive. And yes, very much yes. Not working isn't an option with 7871982319 mouths to feed. We are a dual income household and "maternity leave" does not exist when one is self-employed. Thankfully, I'll have my mom here for an entire month postpartum. For the second month, I'll hire our part-time nanny to stay full-time, and come December, I'll just... you know, go from there. I mean, preparation is pretty much futile at this point.

In my experience, the only way to prepare for a major life change is to find new and interesting ways to laugh at yourself. Life is far less overwhelming when you stop taking everything so seriously. "Fuck it!" has become my favorite mantra - especially in times like this. So that's pretty much where I'm focusing most of my attention right now: on fucking it navigating each day as it comes, rush hour and all. Keeping road rage at bay by laughing at watermelons.

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thirty-one weeks

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GGC