Three

I was up all night last night, and yesterday, after my doctor's appointment I got lost. I got lost in the elevator on my way to the garage, and then again, on my way to the lab to get my blood work done. I sat in the waiting room shaking until finally I left. Because I couldn't be there. Because everywhere seemed to be strangling me. Because this can't possibly be happening. But it was. It is. This is happening. I've spent the last 24 hours chanting, breathing, reminding myself:

This is happening.

When the picture showed up on the Ultrasound machine I started to cry. I knew what I was looking at before the doctor said a word.

"Two healthy heartbeats," he said. "They look beautiful. Lots of movement."

And there they were... two tiny people. With tiny feet and tiny heads and tiny little everything. I had a panic attack. I thought I was going to die because I couldn't breathe. I spent almost an hour not breathing. I was alone in the waiting room with a picture of two babies, with three hearts beating inside me and no fucking idea who I was or where or how...

When I called Hal to tell him the news, I could barely speak.

When I called my mom I was crying, but barely.

By the time I called my grandmother I was okay.

Lost, terrified, still totally in shock, but okay.

"It's a blessing," she said, a triplet herself with twin grandsons.

And she's right. It's a blessing. A very, very scary blessing.

my wombmates, eight weeks, two days

This is happening and it's going to be okay.

GGC