is it weird that i feel likev i can do anything right now (including typing a hundred words a minutewith my left gand.)? that i can be everywhere AT ONce? i csn mske dinner and blig and mert friends for birthday drinks and trim my bangs without getting little hairs im my eyes.
some womrn get post-partum depression but i think i have post-partum... something else. i feel like im high. on coke or ecstasy erxcept the only side-effects of this kind of high are illegible blog posts and the occasional reminder that i can't do everything. be everywhere at once.
exhibit a: every day for the past several weeks archer has been late for school and its my fault becsaue i have A hard time getting out the door with two children. once archers teacher said to him, "ARCGER? you need to wake up earlier so you can be at svhool on time' and i tried to explain that archer gets up plenty early. ot's me. i'm thw one who needs to wake up earlier so i csn fget him to school on timwe.
and yesterday i filmef a momcversation episode while breastfeeding fable. i didnt havea chjoice. the natural light was almost gone ad fable was sick and the only thing that was making her happu was my boob in her mouth so i sat in front of my webcamn and i tried not to flasg the camera my nipple.
two nightas ago i burned the grains. i cook up these really hearthy whol grains every night so i can eat them in the morning with fruit for breakfast but last night i fdorgot they wrre in the pot. i just forgot. i thoufht i could nurse fable and watchsummer heights high and remember the grains but then hal was like, "qhats that smnell?" ad i was like, @:"oh, fuck!" and then i not only burnt the grains black but i ruined the pot i think. "we might need to buy a new pot now,' hal said and tyhen i got all defensive an asaid 'well im sorry i can't do everthing righy for fuck;s sake!''
the truth is, thjough? not a wholke lot can get me down rifht about now. not even a broken pot.
(insert photo of fable and archer herte.)
(insert photo of fable and archer herte.)
i've wantd to write this epic blog postabout how happy i feel. how in thde momment i am. so diffrent this time around. with archer i flt like =a failure and a loserrt anfd i didnt believe in myself or our family. i was scared of what might happen. i snuck ciggies during naotime and dreamt of running away.
so digfferent this timr.
(insert a picture pof me smiling like a lunatixc.)
(insert a picture pof me smiling like a lunatixc.)
ive been meaning to blog a love letter to my life and tell it how awesome it is but i've beeen nervous... becUSE i want people to rekate to me and maybe im too happy rifght npw abd people think its annoying and theyre sick of my big fat smile and want me to shjut the hell up already and 'tell the truth.' because its supposed to be hard with two kuds ANd a thousand other respoinsibilities. ivev b een told that im supposed to stressed. supposed to be having a reak hard vtime. 'just wait!' everyone keeps tellimg me. 'it gets harder and you'tr going to come off your high and crash!' of course its not easuy but i wasnt expectying it to be. i was't expecting this either -- this feeling of sublime happiness and love for all people and things et al. i m genuinely happy. busy AND exhausted and a littlre ovwerwhelmed but mostly just happu.
embracing my imperfetions. emcracing my chilfren. accepting myself. wandering arpond with an idiotic smile on my face all the livelonfg day and to hekll with the typods.
ggc
72 comments:
i somehow made it thru this post understanding every single word.
Heh. I love this post.
I had PPD after the birth of my second child. I am so glad you have the opposite. It sounds awesome.
I love this.
funny - delurking to say that made me laugh all the way through :)
ps - I found two easy too so yay for you.. and I haven't crashed yet...
xx
I'm pretty sure I caught all of that.
I am right there with you. This baby of mine is my third and he's easier just awesome. And I love it. Be happy that you are happy and in love with your babe. Don't worry about it.
Ha, that was my inner Bob Marley talking.
typing this left handed...know exactly what you mean. I was just happy like that for the first month. Then my baby started having acid reflux and crying. Now that it's under contol i'm back to exhausted happy.
love it.
Please keep telling us the truth - when you're happy and when you're not. :)
Everyone keeps telling me the opposite...it's going to get easier. I could use a little of your high around here.
Great post!
P.S. Summer Heights High is HILARIOUS!! "D'yaknowhatImean?" :)
You always amaze me:) I know whom to look up to when this new babe arrives in May! Positive reinforcement!
haha, i type one handed all the time. I think life got even easier for me after my third baby. Sounds weird, but it just happened like that. My sister in law has 3 kids too but says in order to do blah blah blah she has to sacrifice sleep, I don't get it because i get everything done and I can still waste time online, even though none of my kids are at school yet. They should bottle this...whatever it is, that makes life easier so we can spread it around...
I think it's GREAT that you're so happy and please do NOT stop blogging about it! When I read posts like these, I look at my own life and say, YEAH, despite my bitching, I'm really happy too!
I'm so jealous of your experience, but happy for you at the same time. And for those that tell you "just wait" - really? Are they serious? Unless we're talking about the wonderful teen years I keep hearing about, I think you're just in for more fun. I thought with both of my babes the first few months were the hardest - as they grew, they surprised me by how much they continued to amaze me with each new development and how their personalities developed and shown through. Mine are 5 and 3 and I'd like to just freeze them at this age, well, at least the 5 year old. I'm sure I'll want to freeze my 3 year old when she's 5 too. :-)
Absolutely awesome! As a soon to be first time mom, I needed a post just like this to counteract all the *^%$#%&^ unsolicited TERROR / advice I have been getting lately. I am looking forward to being just where I am in this process...and by God if it's terrific, then fuck em!
You go girl!
Bec,
I want you to write that love letter to your life. It's always good to remember a time where we feel over the moon happy. And, I LOVE reading about other people's moments. It reminds me mine might be right around the corner. Happiness begets happiness.
xoAVB
Perfect post. Ten out of ten!
I type with one hand all the time while huddling under my covers with my two kitties. Ride this, GGC, Ride it like it's the last bus in the night.
I really relate to this post. I had a really hard time after my first born and felt amazing after the second -- a little experience goes a long way! Great post!
that was awesome.
I was going to say that I've never thought that parenting was "hard", but then I flashed back to late summer/early fall with my teenager, and that time period really took it's toll on my emotions. But my family? It rocks. Even at my most frustrated, I'm happy. Thanks for sharing your left handed typing honestly:)
Sounds a little like postpartum mania - except only those with bipolar disorder are at risk for that. :) I think you're just super happy. :)
Hey, having two is a big change from having one, and it's got its challenges. But I think there are just as many of us out there who found going from no kids to one much harder than one to two, rather than the other way around. I didn't find the transition difficult at all when adding #2 into the family.
Please keep blogging about how you love having both kiddos, and how it's surprised you.
i just have the one beauty right now and i was the exact same way after i had her. we were on the go from day 1 and i was just so DAMN happy i couldn't hide it. 6 months later i am still totally thrilled... work is getting harder and harder to go to, but she is absolutely amazing and i feel great.
Dude, you misspelled "Watch me unleash Excellence with one hand" as
"ive had a bAaby on my lap all dsy.........embracing my imperfetions. emcracing my chilfren. accepting myself. wandering arpond with an idiotic smile on my face all the livelonfg day and to hekll with the typods.ggc"
i felt like this too after my second. i think its easier to just be in the moment when its not the first time youve been through it all. never listen to people who say "just you wait". of course things change, our lives flow through many stages just like our children. just soak up as much as you can, this is one of the most beautiful moments of life. make it last as long as you can. your a wonderful mom.
Please do not stop gushing and smiling and posting about love and happiness. Those of us expecting our second babe have you to look up to!
I aspire to handle it all as well as you do. Congrats!
I was told the same. That the 2nd time around it'd be sooo hard. I haven't really experienced that yet. Some days are hard but not as painful as I was led to believe.
How great is that?!
sounds pretty damn good to me ^_^
<3
You need HOOKED ON PHONICS, sister!
Just kidding.
This is awesome and screw it - ride this mother effer to the wheels fall off, right?
so happy you are enjoying this 2-kidded life. the bigger ones add dimensions when you have the newbies.
This totally made me laugh my ass off, Bec, necause I have not been blogging much at all becuase my hands are always full, but I love that you are doing it anyway, dammit, one-handed if need be. I'm trying to get back into it, and keep wondering how you do it, and now I know. I am finding it easier this time, too, partly because I bonded to him so much faster, know what I'm doing a bit more, and already in my house, not trying to move, and so on, but partly becuase he is just easier. I have the luxury of dropping of Pumpkinpie for the day at school and then daycare, though. I can't say I'd be doing so well with two - you are doing awesome, and I'm so happy for you!
Heh -my word ver is notlo. Souinds about right!
that was a great post. :-)
That post made me happy. Group hug!
Great post, beautiful babies.
A hopefully helpful hint about that burned pot of grains: you don't actually have to cook them the night before. Just boil the water, add the grains (steel-cut oats, wheat berries, anything will work) cover, and take off the heat. They'll cook in the hot water overnight, & the next morning all you have to do is heat them up. You can play around with the amount of excess water (in the am you can cook it off or dump it out) etc. It works great & saves both the pans and breakfast. (I have forgotten the water was boiling, but never yet burned the grains!) Cheers...
You made me smile. It's a good thing to be able to say that you are happy and everything is ace and you've got every right to be. Babies are awesome.
PS: hope that wasn't too "unsolicited"! :) Just thought I'd pass on a timesaver. (It is actually the only way I can get my lazy self to deal with breakfast in advance... I am really impressed that you cook everything up the night before!)
LOL...i've burned stuff before trying to nurse, blog, and 5 other things at once.
glad you are feeling happy...even w/ 2 kids. bcs. children are awesome! you should build an army :)
glad you're happy - everyone should have a postpartum high :-)
Good for you. And thank you ... we're thinking about No. 2 and it's nice to hear something other than the usual doom and gloom.
Hey, if you're happy, blog about it. Who cares what other people think, it's your blog.
Besides, there are so many unpleasant people in this world, it's nice to see that I'm not the only happy one out there. :)
Wow - I hope that I feel the same way when my next l'il one is born (due 1/1/09). Well, you've def. given me hope - though I think perhaps your over-the-moon happiness is too much to ask for? I'm cautiously optimistic though!
I had the same experience after my daughter was born. I would just be walking down the street or doing something equally banal and this huge rush of joy would spread throughout my body. I thought I was so witty and would say to people that I was "suffering from postpartum euphoria." But then I saw that phrase in a book I read about a year later...hard to be original. Oh well. Glad you get to experience this too. It is a real trip.
yay! this post made me feel so happy. i have twins, 1 1/2 now and it was so hard and i was so sad and i hated it sometimes. now, i love it. and i am actually thinking of having another, because i do think the second time is easier, not better just different. not so scary, more time to realize what you have to do to enjoy it and having the knowledge that the hard times do end.
and any typos are just due to bad finger skillz. you go with your happy self ... i think it helps to hear that it can be awesome.
Your keyboard must have been somkin' after this post - you know, 100 wpm, left-handed...
Awesome post. Truly awesome.
Hi, I'm a new reader here. I just want to say that it's awesome you feel joy everyday with your family. Forget what the negative people say. I'm glad you decided to share with us. Viva la Happyness!
Hooray!!!!!
And Anon re: the grains. Great tip! Im all for cooking tips. :) Especially if/when they save the grains!
Great post! You are so right on, too. I just had baby #3 3 weeks ago and although I do have a hard time getting everyone out the door to school each morning (we literally get there exactly on time each day with not a second to spare) I am finding it much easier with 3 kids than I imagined and am LOVING it.
Tell it like it is, even when you are happy. Not everyone thinks being a mom is overwhelmingly hard and depressing. I'm glad you're happy. I loved being a good mom. It's the best thing I ever did and if I never do anything else in my life, I've given the world a wonderful gift in my two sons, as have you with Fable and Archer.
thanks bec, this made my shitty morning. sometimes i am happy and sometimes (Like right now) i am just so overwhelmed with all the work and the kids and now the sickness. seriously thanks for reminding me, its all cool.
I love this post because it shows that you are still human like the rest of us. Sometimes I read your stuff and wonder if you are a super-mom.
first off, word verification is prompting me to type "ballme," which totally eclipses any intelligible, insulting comment i could have hurled.
as you were.
i just told my hub that i want to make another baby right now after reading your post. he ran away from me. :)~ i just finished reading rockabye and can relate so much to feeling like a complete and total failure with my now 7 month old. and dissecting this one-handed post of your's gave me hope. thanks for that.
Never EVER appologise for being happy. Happy is great and wonderful and as someone who felt like shit after my first baby and fanfuckingtastic after the second one I whole heartedly support your baby high and I hope it lasts forever.
I love this post. I'd say it's my favorite but I couldn't possibly choose.
Ahh a baby in the house at Holiday time no less its perfection. I honestly believe that breast feeding releases seratonin giving that natural high. Fable is beautiful and what a lovely name. Surprisingly I was able to get through your post without much trouble as well
Its beautiful to hear how happy you are! I was/am the same thing way with gus. as soon as the shock subsided of pregnancy I felt that euphoria or what i now see as my maturing and really embracing this motherhood thing. after 4 yrs i still have that crazy little smile beaming with happiness for my family!
Just keep smiling and enjoying your family. Don't let anyone tell you how you should feel. Enjoy!!!
Luckeeeee....I remember feeling that way for a while, but it was rudely interrupted by my husband being sent to Iraq. Just keep enjoying it!
Oh, Jesus, Jessi. So sorry. Ugh. I can't even imagine. Love to you and hope he's home, now!
that's a very funny post!!! I even understood most of it!! ;-)
You are so good you made typos into a very effective literary device.
GOD! I am so impressed.
I second that emotion.
Everyone said "Watch out, two is HARD!"
I guess it is harder than one, but going from none to one was light years harder.
Yay for happy mamas!
That was such a beautiful post, if slightly typo-rific. :)
I think it's great that two kids is so wonderful for you. Screw those people who can't just let you be happy and want to warn you about how bad it's going to be. Bah! It's wonderful and you're happy and you should enjoy every beautiful second of it.
your blog, and this post especially, are like a breath of much-needed, fresh air. i have recently decided to stop reading another blog i've followed for sometime because i just can't handle the "i'm so tired, what a hard day, poor me, wah wah wah" whining. we're all tired, it IS hard, but good lord, a little refreshing positive, happy attitude would be nice for a change! thank you for giving me that.
i am a mother of a three year old and a four month old. and yes, i have my days where the shit is hard, but for the most part...this shit ROCKS.
My third is 5 months old and I went through the same intense high. I could conquer the world for a few months. Not to say its all shit now, but I am not so high. Although I am sooo inlove with him and the older kids it is a little sickening :) . I can so relate to your post :) . Embrace the world conquering feeling I say! :)
i feel/felt guilty about feeling so ROCKIN' too. i find myself minimizing how good i feel. she wouldn't sleep if i stopped moving or put her down in the first 3 months.
I dropped all my preg weight and felt like a million dollars because i was getting out every day and eating like a horse.
life is still good 12 months later. I want to bottle the feeling for when i crash.
i feel/felt guilty about feeling so ROCKIN' too. i find myself minimizing how good i feel. she wouldn't sleep if i stopped moving or put her down in the first 3 months.
I dropped all my preg weight and felt like a million dollars because i was getting out every day and eating like a horse.
life is still good 12 months later. I want to bottle the feeling for when i crash.
I just found your blog and am hooked! This post especially resonated with me. I had my first baby in Augus and I feel like super woman and it ROCKS! It's nice to know that I'm not the only one. : ) thank you for your candor about being a mama, it's so refreshing.
thnks
Listen, hon, I totally get it and don't you hate the jerks who make us all so afraid to actually be happy for once? I felt that way at the beginning of my marriage. Still love him now, but that first year or so I was in a different dimension of joy from what I had ever known before. And after having my baby Binah. Birth was ecstasy. The happiest event of my life. No, I didn't have an orgasm, and yes, it hurt when the epi wore off a bit for pushing, but I think emotionally that was the closest I have ever come to... You know it can't be put in to words, that kind of happiness, that kind of light. Sounds trite, sounds whatever -- but that is just those jerks making us feel guilty or worried about feeling overjoyed! What a hunk of junk! Go ahead, sister -- have your cake and eat it, too. In their faces. Maybe once they get over their own superstitions or paranoias or jealousies they'll be so inspired that they'll have a little taste of what life can be as well.
And here I go, a bit hypocritical: Not to say my life hasn't included nightmare times. Oh, you wouldn't want to know. I'm no naive Pollyanna. But that's why we shouldn't be afraid of our joy and pleasure, you know? We've been there, we've seen the dark side, and the beauty and joy is no less legitimate....
I like getting to know you a bit on Momversation and here in your blog. Thanks for sharing yourself.
Love,
Braha
Have another seriously cool mom-friend who is now on her second child (her first is eight years old). and she says the same! She felt like a failure, restless, it was so hard with the first but the second is a breeze and she is so in love and so thoroughly enjoying being 'mother'. It's uplifting to me. I am finding my first to be incredibly difficult. Starting to tell myself maybe I'm not meant to be a Mom - But I think I am just lost in another one of those moments where I forget how quickly everything changes with kids. I think that's what the second does for you - you know to enjoy everything because it will be gone so fast and on to the next new thing. Thank you for being both happy and candid. Big grins are okay with me when they are really sincere.
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