is it weird that i feel likev i can do anything right now (including typing a hundred words a minutewith my left gand.)? that i can be everywhere AT ONce? i csn mske dinner and blig and mert friends for birthday drinks and trim my bangs without getting little hairs im my eyes.
some womrn get post-partum depression but i think i have post-partum... something else. i feel like im high. on coke or ecstasy erxcept the only side-effects of this kind of high are illegible blog posts and the occasional reminder that i can't do everything. be everywhere at once.
exhibit a: every day for the past several weeks archer has been late for school and its my fault becsaue i have A hard time getting out the door with two children. once archers teacher said to him, "ARCGER? you need to wake up earlier so you can be at svhool on time' and i tried to explain that archer gets up plenty early. ot's me. i'm thw one who needs to wake up earlier so i csn fget him to school on timwe.
and yesterday i filmef a momcversation episode while breastfeeding fable. i didnt havea chjoice. the natural light was almost gone ad fable was sick and the only thing that was making her happu was my boob in her mouth so i sat in front of my webcamn and i tried not to flasg the camera my nipple.
two nightas ago i burned the grains. i cook up these really hearthy whol grains every night so i can eat them in the morning with fruit for breakfast but last night i fdorgot they wrre in the pot. i just forgot. i thoufht i could nurse fable and watchsummer heights high and remember the grains but then hal was like, "qhats that smnell?" ad i was like, @:"oh, fuck!" and then i not only burnt the grains black but i ruined the pot i think. "we might need to buy a new pot now,' hal said and tyhen i got all defensive an asaid 'well im sorry i can't do everthing righy for fuck;s sake!''
the truth is, thjough? not a wholke lot can get me down rifht about now. not even a broken pot.
(insert photo of fable and archer herte.)
(insert photo of fable and archer herte.)
i've wantd to write this epic blog postabout how happy i feel. how in thde momment i am. so diffrent this time around. with archer i flt like =a failure and a loserrt anfd i didnt believe in myself or our family. i was scared of what might happen. i snuck ciggies during naotime and dreamt of running away.
so digfferent this timr.
(insert a picture pof me smiling like a lunatixc.)
(insert a picture pof me smiling like a lunatixc.)
ive been meaning to blog a love letter to my life and tell it how awesome it is but i've beeen nervous... becUSE i want people to rekate to me and maybe im too happy rifght npw abd people think its annoying and theyre sick of my big fat smile and want me to shjut the hell up already and 'tell the truth.' because its supposed to be hard with two kuds ANd a thousand other respoinsibilities. ivev b een told that im supposed to stressed. supposed to be having a reak hard vtime. 'just wait!' everyone keeps tellimg me. 'it gets harder and you'tr going to come off your high and crash!' of course its not easuy but i wasnt expectying it to be. i was't expecting this either -- this feeling of sublime happiness and love for all people and things et al. i m genuinely happy. busy AND exhausted and a littlre ovwerwhelmed but mostly just happu.
embracing my imperfetions. emcracing my chilfren. accepting myself. wandering arpond with an idiotic smile on my face all the livelonfg day and to hekll with the typods.
ggc
