When my doctor broke my water I was still at 4cm. For some reason I was convinced in my head I'd be at six or seven centimeters by the time I reached the hospital but alas, I had not changed. It was almost 5pm, I was still feeling mild/random contractions when my doctor started the IV, one with my GBS antibiotics, another with a slow dose of Pitocin so my slow-active labor wouldn't continue with its slowness.
"And now we wait."
The contractions became painful around 6:30 but I was determined to see how long I could go without an epidural. Every twenty minutes or so, one of the nurses would come in, ask me if I was ready for my meds and every time I'd turn them away.
don't fuck with my birth plan, bitches!
"I think I can do this on my own," I said.
The nurses flashed me a "you go girl!" thumbs up and left me to contract painfully and nibble on ice-chips. By the time 7:30pm rolled around I wasn't even five centimeters yet.
"Almost five!" my doctor said before excusing himself to dinner."Going to little Tokyo with some friends. Be back in a few hours..."
A few hours? Damn, I thought. I'd still be in labor in a few hours?
Once again I was offered the epidural. Once again I refused.
"I have a really high tolerance for pain," I said. "I can handle this no problem."
The contractions got stronger, closer together -- they became familiar in a way pain isn't usually. I started to remember my labor with Archer and felt myself suddenly competitive with my former birthing self -- a self that needed drugs right away. I was three hours into the painful part of labor and still hanging in. I gave myself a high-five and sent Hal out for more ice chips as reward.
On a pain scale of 1-10, I'd say I'm feeling about a 34, right here
Around 9pm, my doctor came back. I was doing my homemade breathing techniques (which were probably all wrong) when my doctor came in to check my progress.
"You're still at five!" he said.
"Ahhhhhhh!" I said back.
"Epidural?"
"No! Not yet! I can DO THIS! I'M A MACHINE!"
Unfortunately, strengthening contractions did not mean a faster progression. I was dilating at about once centimeter every two hours... By the time midnight struck I was well in tears. The pain was too much to handle even for a machine.
"Unless I'm ten centimeters and ready to push I'm getting the epi," I told Hal between wails.
I was only at seven. I buckled. Pain threshold be damned I couldn't take it anymore. At 12:30am, I bent over a pillow and took the needle in my back. By 1:00am I was asleep, numb from the waist down and relieved to get some rest before push-time.
Come 3:00 am I woke with a bolt of pain. Somehow the epidural had worn off on the right side. I was like a stroke victim, numb on one side, twitching with pain on the other.
I paged the nurse who checked my progress. I was at ten. It was time to push.
Hal woke up and grabbed his camera before promptly putting it away the second my feet hit the stirrups. Apparently he had asked me if I wanted him to film the birth and I said "FUCK NO!" ... I don't remember saying this but I believe him because I would never allow such a thing.
"It's like the mommy blogger equivalent of having a sex tape!"
Okay so I didn't actually say that but thought that counts.
My doctor lowered the giant white light in the ceiling and...
"...When you're ready, you can push."
So I huffed and I puffed and I pushed... Two pushes and Fable's head was peeking out from between my legs, unfortunately with her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck three times.
Casually my doctor delivered the news: "Your baby's umbilical cord is like a noose around her neck. I'm going to have to cut it now, while she's coming out. And... I just cut the cord. Go ahead and push..."
"What!? Huh!? Is she okay?"
My doctor nodded his head and got to work on some kind of magical perineum massage that Hal described as "cupping his hands and squeezing the baby out of your vag like one would catch a football."
Fable was placed on my chest, squirming and covered in blood and craziness and I just stared at her. For several moments I thought I was dreaming, re-birthing Archer because she so resembled him. It wasn't until I got a good look at her that I was able to grasp that I had just given birth to someone that wasn't Archer. To someone brand new. A baby girl. A daughter. Our little Fable Luella.
The nurses pulled up my robe and lead her to my chest where she latched on for the first time without so much as a struggle. And I looked down at my little girl and thought of my own mother. Thought about how excited I was to hear I was having a girl because of her.
Because it took me becoming a mother to really appreciate my own. To bond with her in a new way and how badly I wanted the same bond with a daughter... Passing it along like a strand of pearls... And here she was.
"Here we are."
Fable stayed with me for the rest of the night, against my chest, sleeping and sucking and being perfect and I stayed up all night watching her smile in her sleep as the sun pulled itself up by its rays over downtown Los Angeles.
I was shocked by how much I could love something so new. I felt the same way about Archer but how I'd forgotten until that first night with Fable. How I HAVE forgotten until now, how special the first few moments, days, weeks are with a new baby.
In the recovery room, Hal, Fable and I cuddled together in my hospital bed, still freckled with the blood from the birth. We compared the birth experience to Archer's -- how easy it was in comparison, how not scary, how incredible my doctor, the nurses... how AWESOME it was that my vagina wasn't sliced to smithereens. How perfect our new baby was and how excited we were to be a family of four.
And then our RN knock-knocked on the door.
"Come in!"
A kind woman stepped inside, smiled at Fable and took my hand.
"My name is Blessing and I'll be your nurse this morning," she said.
"Blessing?"
"Yes."
Well if that isn't the best name EVER for a resident nurse in a maternity ward, I don't know what is...
Blessing wrote down her information on the white board and scurried off down the hall, leaving Hal and I once again, alone. Without Blessing. Indeed blessed.
Blessed times a million zillion infinity.
GGC
