Today I learned that at 32 weeks pregnant, I have gained 33 pounds. I feel like a total failure. I've been doing everything (I thought) in my power to keep the weight below 35 this pregnancy and its not going to happen. I've put on 14 pounds in six weeks which means I'm averaging about 2.5 pounds a week at this point. My new goal is to stay below 50. Fuck. I'm going to have a good 40 pounds to lose yet again.
I do realize that I'm pregnant and I'm supposed to be putting on weight and its summertime so water is retained and all the things the doctor told me to keep me from taking a nosedive out the window of his office but damn, Gina. Really?
I called my even-more-pregnant-than-me friend for sympathy, forgetting for a split second that the girl is literally one of the most beautiful people on this planet. So much so she actually gets hired to model pregnant. In fact here she is cover-girling it up her last pregnancy:
"I know how you feel, Bec," she said on the phone. "I'm right there with you."
"Really? You are? How much have you gained?"
"Almost 25 pounds!"
"You're eight months pregnant! SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Anyway, it was my damn fault for calling. Now I just feel like a lonely house. A four-story McMansion. With elephantitis.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my husband who gained 50 whole pounds my last pregnancy (I'm not exaggerating) has been consistently losing weight this pregnancy. In fact, the man has never looked better. Hotter. Sexier. Etc.
At least my last pregnancy we were both fat. There was some comfort in that. Now? I outweigh him by about fifteen pounds (already) which is just fucking depressing.
"Wow, Hal. You haven't gained any sympathy weight at all this time."
"I know. That's because I'm not sympathetic."
So there you have it. Not even my husband feels sorry for my state of ginormity.
Which is why I'm allowed to feel sorry for myself.
Wah.
GGC
61 comments:
Okay I had to stop by and say WHAT?? I have been watching your growing belly in all your pictures and have always thought to myself "Man I hope I look that cute when I'm pregnant" You do not look like you have gained that much at all. You are such a beautiful pregnant woman! So don't be hard on yourself :)
Sympathies. Although you're nourishing your child, cushioning a new life, blah blah, it is so frustrating when your body behaves completely out of your control.
I also second Steph's thoughts. You look genuinely lovely. And not just in a blooming pregnant way!
I also think you look great, and tiny....I am on my 4th pregnancy and the first time I gained 35, then 18, then 20, and I'm up to 33 with this baby, and I'm chasing sround a toddler. My doctor says the baby's not huge, so I guess I'll have more weight to budge when it's all over. You look adorable. I've deciding to stop asking about the weight gain, so I'll never know.
I'm about two weeks behind you, and as of yesterday's apt, I've gained 40. (I'm usually pretty slender) You will have a New Mom Weight Loss Buddy on the other coast.
If it makes you feel any better, I outweighed my husband by more than 15 pounds BEFORE I got pregnant. And I honestly know about 2 people who only gained 25 pounds. Everyone else gained anything from a little to a lot more than that.
De-lurking to weigh in here...haha!
I gained a whopping 75 lbs with my daughter and she was born at the end of the summer - so when she came out and in the week following, I lost 40 of those lbs. That water weight made up about 15-20 lbs in my body.
You look amazing this time around - stylish and cute and THIN and it could be your little girl is gonna be a bruiser too. So don't feel like a failure - you are fab but I totally get how you feel. I would do/feel the same thing if we were going to have another.
You look fanfreakingtastic. Every time you post a picture I still say, "Yup, woman with adorable, basketball like bump"; whereas I was like jabba the hut during both pregnancies. I can tell you have very high, LA standards for yourself, but try to enjoy how fabulous you look every once in a while!
I gained 40 pounds with my daughter and hated every weigh-in. When she was born, they asked my weight and I had to say the awful, awful number in front of my husband. He actually said "oh my god, that's more than I weigh!" (and he's no skinny minny) Way to make a girl feel good, honey. You look so fabulous! Skinny jeans at 7 mos pregnant?! Sister, please.
Btw - Got the Braxton Sucks DVS onesie set. Super cute! Thanks so much!
I quickly learned that some bodies just spread, no matter what you do.
I say go with it and eat some burgers while you can :)
I agree with all other comments. You look amazing and beautiful! I'm generally pretty thin and only gained 20 with my 1st pregnancy bit packed em on with the 2nd. It didn't take any time and I was back rockin my size 4's. You're young and your body is still supple and very elastic. It will come off quickly and you'll be back to your former self in no time flat!!
As for Hal, well....force feed him some high fat shit. Tell him his total hotness is unacceptable n your time of need!!
I feel your pain, lady.
I feel your pain. I gained 40 pounds with both pregnancies. All in the second half both times. Talk about stretching a body to its limits. If you are doing everything right, it will be easier to lose the weight. This is just what your body needs. You look fabulous!
I will join the "don't worry about it, you look amazing" chorus.
Seriously, you look fantastic. I also gained 15 pounds in a short period of time, but for me it was one month. 4 weeks, 15 pounds. I didn't know that was possible. I eventually just stopped keeping track and I can't even tell you how much I gained total -- 45ish? at least?
I also don't know how much I weigh now, but my clothes fit, mostly, so I'm not stressing. It'll all work out in the end.
and I'll say it one more time: you look gorgeous. stop worrying about the scale.
Sometimes thinner people need to gain up to 40lbs to have healthy babies. This being said I was 171 at 5'8 when I got pregnant the first time (not thin by any stretch of the imagination) and I put on 35lbs, never lost a pound, got pregnant with my 2nd baby, gained another 19-20lbs and ended up being like 198lbs after his birth. On the day I went into labor I was 226lbs. Gah, it was awful. He's 2 now and I'm 25lbs thinner than before having kids and finally a healthy weight for the first time in my life! I think it's the running around after them that takes it off you!
Delurking here. I've been reading your blog for awhile. You have an amazing way with words.
To make you feel better, I gained 100lbs with my daughter. Had preeclampsia and was on strict bed rest for the last three or four months of the pregnancy. I was NOT hot.
You look amazing. Seriously.
you look amazing! I gained 62 lbs with my son and I am 5 foot 2 and I wasn't a big person to start with. A week after he was born, I was down 30 lbs, and I had lost 60 lbs 6 months after his birth. Don't stress about it! You seriously look amazing, I would guess you've gained 10 lbs with that adorable belly. Enjoy your gorgeous body and enjoy your new baby girl along with Archer. It won't be long now!
I agree with my good friend Steph up at the top -- you look amazing for being as far along as you are! I think I've gained about as much as you (or more) and I'm only 25 weeks. That is depressing. At least you've been eating right and staying healthy -- I bet you'll bounce back even more quickly and easily than with Archer.
I definitely know what you're going through with the whole husband losing weight thing. Mine oh-so-lovingly chose this time in my life to lose 30lbs and I have never wanted to hurt him more.
I agree with the comment board, you look great pregnant.
I am 33 weeks and have gained 28 pds but all of that weight has been in the last 4 months because I lost 15 pds in the first (hell) trimester. My last visit to the doctor I had gained 8 pds in 3 weeks (WTF)! This is all belly weight and water in my damn feet. Maybe you are carrying like me all in your feet.
As for the partner thing, I outweigh my husband by 19 pds now and I'm not very happy about it.
Good luck trying to feel better, when you figure something out let me know because this sucks!
Candace
It's a huge downer when we outweigh them. Personally, it made me want to eat more Reese's cups.
My first pregnancy I ate whatever, whenever- I gained 58 lbs and thought it would just fall of. Wrongo. Second time around I ate right, exercised, still gained 50 lbs WTF?! My MD told me most women have a predetermined weight they will gain regardless of their eating/exercise behavior (within limits obviously). That being said- the weight the second time did "fall" off with MUCH less work- it was a healthier weight gain- I had been exercising all along, etc. Of course you look better than most of us when we are not preggo- you just have weird LA vibes to deal with! No worries my dear- you will bounce back in no time racing around after Archer with bebe in tow- so go have a guilt free chocolate sundae!
I feel ya sista. I'm still struggling to lose the 70 lbs I gained with this one. It sucks. But you're still gorgeous. At least you have that!
http://notesfromthesleepdeprived.blogspot.com
You look amazing. Seriously. Soon you're going to have this totally awesome new daughter and seriously? You'll lose the weight. Don't be so hard on yourself. Easier said than done, I know but it is true: you're beautiful!
I gained 50 with pumpkinpie, but I know people who gained 70 or so and look great now, so I say don't sweat it too much. Hard to actually DO, I know, because I'm striving to stay under/around 35 myself this time, hoping not to have as much to lose. I have found, though, that the times when I have shot upwards have been the times I get all puffy with water, and there was a three-weeks period where I actually LOST a pound because I was being careful about drinking more, limiting salt, and putting my feet up, and that much water came out as a result. Chalk it up to that. But in the end, you me, the other preggy ladies, we'll be okay, Bec. (hugs)
When I was pregnant, I noticed that it didn't matter much whether I pigged out on Qdoba or dined daintily on greens, I gained the same amount of weight regardless. I got to the point at my doctor's office where I would close my eyes at the weigh-ins and nobody was allowed to say any numbers out loud. I figured my doctor would address my weight gain if it ever became an issue and it didn't. I'm guessing I gained at least 50 pounds.
Hi there!
I put on 60 pounds with my pregnancy. I had twins, yes. But they were 10 weeks premature!!! What was my damn excuse. I am now 9 months out (or they are out) and my fat ass still has 25 pounds to go. So I called Jenny and now have lost about 6 pounds in my first month. Just know that you are nourishing your baby and that the weight will come off bec you have the willpower! you are a beautiful mama by the way!
I know this will be a big concern of mine next time around. With my daughter I gained over 50 pounds (I told them to stop telling me and I faced away from the scale at weigh in time!). I was horrified and hope to reign it in next time.
Worst of all (okay, maybe not as bad as having a freaking 25-lb weight gain preggo model for a friend!) was that my good friend was due the same week and she gained less than 30. I guess the fact that I was STARVING my first trimester and she was puking up saltines for 5 months may have had something to do with it!
Bec, I love ya, and I love your blog, but I had to shake my head as I read this...
Your baby NEEDS you to gain weight when you're pregnant. I know LA has kind of warped your sense of self-esteem, and that skinny-assed supermodels are the norm there, but you've gotta let that go for a year or so to pop out this kid (fat & healthy!) I know you know this, but you're getting that tied up with your body image, and it's obviously leading to a lot of grief for you...
This post made ME feel like shit, and I'm not pregnant. Because I gained 40 lbs on anti-depressants. It was either want to kill myself daily, or put on a disgusting amount of weight. I saw the latter as my only choice. Now that I'm off the pills, I'm still dealing with a tire around my middle, and a kick to my self-esteem's groin. Watching beautiful you complain about 30 lbs of pregnancy weight, that you will surely lose within a couple of months (and have a BABY to show for it!) makes me feel that much fatter. And that much worse.
The point: you're cooking a baby, weight gain is how it works. A lot of us deal with excess weight on a daily basis, with none of the awesome pay off at the end...
(PS: I still think you're awesome)
If it makes you feel better, I gained almost all my weight in the first and second trimesters and was totally freaked out that I was going to be ginormous by the end. But I hardly gained 5 pounds in my third trimester. And 33 pounds is not bad!!! Figure that half of that comes off when you give birth, and you only have 15 or 20 pounds to lose, since you don't have that many more weeks to go!
You guys are awesome. Thank you for sharing your stories and making me feel like less of a lonely blob.
Aline (who I love and think is awesome and wonderful.) I think it's less about body image issues and more about "control" issues. I've never been stick thin by any means. I've always had some badonk and I'm cool with that -- it's when suddenly you have NO CONTROL over your body. Pregnancy weight is obviously necessary and I'm happy to gain whatever I gain if it means healthy baby (of course!) ... It's just... hard. Especially for me who has been active, working out and eating pretty much solely salads, fish and fresh fruit this pregnancy (last pregnancy I ate everything and I seem to be gaining the same amount of weight this time!)
Also, I'm all about being candid with my feelings when it comes to parenting and pregnancy. Women are allowed to be bitter and insecure when we're pregnant. We're allowed to feel resentment for our bodies even though what they're doing is wonderful.
Because, plain and simple, pregnancy (for many of us) is uncomfortable physically and even emotionally.
xo
Two things -
1. It might even out. I am 40.5 weeks right now and topped out at 25 pounds, even though I had a big jump in weight gain at around the same time in my pregnancy and freaked that I would end up gaining a ton. But in the last month the weight gain stopped. So, you just never know.
2. Word on the unrealistic LA standards. I used to Miami and all I can say is THANK GOD I am not there while pregnant because that shit is a total mind fuck under the best of circumstances and when you have been in that kind of environment for a while you lose your perspective.
OOPS! Typo - I topped out at 35 pounds, not 25.
I know that lonely house feeling.
It is possible that your weight-gain will slow down as you get closer to your due date. In the meantime, it fucking sucks to see that number on the scale go up and not be able to do anything about it. Especially when you busted your ass to lose the weight the last time around.
You really do look fantastic. I'm sorry you don't feel fantastic.
I can remember wearing my husband's clothes and they actually fitting...which really depressed me.
But dont worry-- you look so beautiful! I'm jealous that you dont have that pregnant-from-her-eyeballs-to-her-toes look. It could be a lot worse! I was there...*cringe*
You are looking ultra hip and stylish!
Hal isn't sympathetic, and I'm not sure I am, either. You're beautiful. You shouldn't get to be skinny, too. That's not fair. ;)
I'm sure you look great and the pounds will fly off after birth!
I gained almost 70 pounds with my first pregnancy. I'm 5'2. I was a moose. I did good my second time arounds, just shy of the 60 pound mark. Yeah. Between both pregnancies I gained more than my total weight.
And, YOU LOOK AWESOME!! SERIOUSLY!!
Oh, don't feel badly! I gained 60 lbs my first pregnancy. I swear, it just happened! And the worst thing was that no one told me how freakin' big I was getting! Oy! In the end though, it was all about the healthy baby...which totally didn't help me deal with the extra fat and stretch marks after baby was born, but it helped a little while I was pregnant. :-) Once you have the baby you'll have new motivation to get healthy - it might mean time ALONE while you're working out!!
I agree with the first poster, i have been looking at your pictures and cursing your little basketball belly!!! i mean, cheering you on for looking so great! not being jealous at all that i didn't look anything like that or that a doctor actually had to give me an elastic strap/suspender-like contraption to hold my gigantic belly up because it was so big and heavy(i kid you not)
you look great. don't sweat it. but yeah, your friend is freaking gorgeous. curse her too!!! ~jjlibra
shut the fuck up indeed. you look awesome. and if you've been eating healthy as per your insistence above that you are eating salads and fish (hopefully mercury-free fish?) rather than ice cream and burritos (mmm), then I think the weight should come off easier this time around because your body will be healthier to begin with. in any case, I see no sign in any of your pics so far of the dread nose spread or bloated cheeks or any of that. maybe that all comes later, I dunno, but you look hot, even by LA standards.
I wish I could look as hot as you do in your current preggo state. And I'm not preggo!
I actually have a lot in common with Aline, and I have to say to her: YOU have something to show for your weight-gain, too, my friend--specifically, your sanity. (Which I definitely didn't get after popping out a kid--quite the opposite in fact!) :) XO
Your only problem seems to be that you're friends with models. But, honey, your friend looks a lot like you! All that weight is for the baby and YOU WILL LOSE IT. I gained 55 pounds with my last one and I lost every single pound of it (just yesterday actually) in 9 months. Seems like a long time, but in retrospect will seem like nothing.
You will miss this time when you're allowed to eat whatever you want so cut yourself some slack and enjoy it.
Seriously... I did't glance at any of the preceding 41 comments, but I bet they all express a variation o the following theme:
You ARE hot.
Smokin' hot.
(Just ask my husband)
You lost the weight once. You can do it again.
bec. *i* am the one gaining your sympathy weight. if hal wants it back he can have it. it's just hanging around and i don't need it.
you have never looked hotter. i have never looked haggarder.
i love you, bushy muffin.
I agree, it's about control. I'm newly pregnant with my fourth and just this week at my first doctor's visit, the doc told me that I should stick to a 25 pound weight gain. At the most, she said. Right now I'm in a size 8, didn't think I was huge or anything, but hearing her say that sent me into a panic. 25 pounds? I remember those last months of pregnancy, when the weight just...attaches itself to you. The least I've ever gained in a pregnancy is 36 pounds - and I threw up several times a day for 20 weeks of that pregnancy.
*deep breath*
People accuse women of being shallow when we worry about our weight. But then again, we're accused of being lazy when we gain. The only way to dodge that judgement is to stay perfectly within the lines of acceptable. And pregnancy (or medication, as an earlier commenter pointed out) makes that much harder, even impossible. And that sucks.
Kira? That was so beautifully put and so true. You said it far better than I. Yes! That's exactly it. Staying within the lines of acceptable is how I've always managed my weight. I'm also a size 8 (5'8) and have never killed myself to be a 6, which would be my goal weight/size but evs. All people have different standards we hold ourselves up to and being in Los Angeles is just a minor detail. The same faces and bodies that surround me surround every woman who pays attention to pop (or not so pop) culture -- which is pretty much everyone -- outside of LA and So Cal as well.
Anyway, Amen, girlfriend. Thanks for your words. I salute you.
Like most of your readers, I too have a bit of a girl crush on you ... 33 el-beez or not, you're a beautiful person.
http://news.aol.com/health/article/pregorexia-inspired-by-thin-celebs/130718?icid=100214839x1207473850x1200408697
I just had my 4th baby 6 months ago. My not-going-to-be-flat-again-without-plastic-surgery abs are bothering me WAY more than my weight.
Those suckers are mucho flabby and flipping me the bird. They aren't going back where they belong without a fight.
I'm going to have to agree with the folks that say "I hope I look that hot when I'm pregnant!" You look amazing, I don't see any reason why you wouldn't be out modeling some hip momma fashion. You'll just have to find something to distract yourself from the numbers.
Oh no he DI-in't...
Hal did not say he wasn't sympathetic this time. He oughtta watch out, or there's gonna be a huge mob of ginormous angry pregnant ladies chasing him down with ankle-clipping strollers and swinging loaded diaper bags at him.
I think you look great! I gained hardly any weight the second time around, but I did not look half as good as you do. I totally believe that our bodies just do what they do. I hated that feeling of not being in control though. It was really hard the first time, and the second time I just tried not to worry about it. It will be easier to lose this time. I have lost all of mine plus some just chasing 2 kids around.
And I can SO feel your pain on the husband thing. My hubby made it a goal to weigh less than me on delivery day with the first pregnancy. He was in the best shape of his life, and I weighed 2.5 lbs more than him the day I gave birth. It was the cruelest thing he has ever done to me.
You have every right to feel sorry for yourself. But I think you look AMAZING! I can only hope that I look as good as you do whenever I'm pregnant.
I have mixed feelings about this issue. I stayed under 30 thanks to a gestational-diabetes induced superdiet, which sucked all kinds of ass, and I lost it quickly. (I also started the pregnancy out about 30 pounds overweight though.)
BUT. I've gained 35 fucking pounds SINCE losing the baby weight, and my kid's 11 months old. So that's 35 pounds in 9 months -- NOT pregnant. I don't know what happened. On one hand, I agree that we are allowed to feel however we want to about weight gain and our bodies and our looks when we're pregnant. I also think it really blows that so many of us devote so much time, energy, thinking, and writing to our weight during what should be an amazing time, unfettered by weight issues (especially since most of us deal with these every other stage in our lives). I have to say, I was SO relieved when I could sort of let it all hang out and quit trying to suck in my never, ever flat stomach. Now, it just sort of hangs there and I'm reduced to wearing all versions of Spanx as I contemplate keeping this bitch or saving up the money to get it hacked off and prettied up, all while feeling incredibly guilty for wanting to spend so much money on something so shallow (and then feeling guilty for feeling guilty for something that would make me feel a lot more confident.)
Bottom line? Lots to think about and talk about it here. I don't have any friends who recently had babies or are about to, so reading and commenting here is a lifesaver, and I feel less lonely. So thanks.
I feel ya. I've gained just about 50 lbs and still have 5 weeks to go. Someone shoot me. I have gestational diabetes and my doc said my body is just in storage mode. Despite the restricted diet, I'm still gaining more than 1 lb a week. I'm over feeling bad about it -- but it IS getting harder and harder to do mundane tasks like bend over, etc. I've got a solid plan of action for post-partum weight loss though, and it's keeping me grounded for now.
I would tell you you look great (you do) but people tell me that and I just think they're liars at this point. ;)
You do look great. You do have every right to complain and express your frustrations.
When I was pregnant I obsessed a little every week. I wanted to see the exact amount between the accepted amounts (a 10lb range over 40 weeks seems like a VERY NARROW range to expect women and babies of completly different builds and backgrounds to fit into) in and even steady way.
I don't remember how much I weighed at the end. I just stopped paying attention at the end.
I think that we have such a narrow line we are expected to walk. You must gain weight for your babies health, but not too much. You are big and uncomfortable and loosing control of your body, but then people are uncomfortable hearing about how that sucks!
So I agree that you look great and that you have every right to feel sorry for yourself :)
I am right there with you. By the time I was 30 weeks I had gained 38 (!) pounds. But now that I am 38 weeks I really haven't put on anything in the last two months. I always do the most damage in the second trimester and then the baby in my womb seems to live off the reserves of my cellulite-stricken saddle bags. I hate feeling out of control too. I have always struggled with my weight and worked really hard to lose it after my first baby. I thought that with this second pregnancy I would barely gain anything, since I was slimmer to begin with, but it went the opposite. I was ravenous for the first 6 months and nothing could satisfy the black pit of hunger. Now, I've been holding steady and just living off of fruit (it's too hot here to eat much of anything else...the one and only perk of being this hugely pregnant in August).
You look fantastic, by the way. I know that no matter how many times you hear it, it's hard to believe, but really, it's true.
My first pregnancy, with twins, I gained over 75 pounds, and that was on a strict low-sodium diet, and having the babes 6 weeks early. I was not a house, I was a duplex, as my husband informed me.
With my last pregnancy, last year, I was determined to keep it under 35 pounds. I watched what i ate. I worked out faithfully. And I gained 60 pounds anyway.
Oh, how I sympathize.
I'm already up to the weight that I delivered my son at and I'm only 35 weeks preggo. I also started this pregnancy almost 10 lbs lighter then I did my son's. It's not pretty watching me step on the scale. I'm definitely sympathizing with you!
On a side note, you're in the Sept. issue of Parents magazine (well your book is). They are interviewing Liz Gumbinner and she lists your book as her current read. Congrats!
OK, everyone is different. I had three children and with EACH pregnancy gained btwn 55-60 pounds. Now THAT is a lot. What sucked is the last two I was on a diabetic diet and did it PERFECTLY. Still gained the same amount and all of my children were 8 pounds even. OBs
explanation:that's how my body works. I'm 5'8 and run around a size 8. So embrace that you're body is doing what it needs to nourish your child (unless you are eating McDonald's every other meal) and accept that each woman is different. You look fabulous- unlike me where EVERY inch of me showed my weight gain (puffy fat face anyone?) and not just my tummy.
I gained 53 pounds during my pregnancy. Finally at 38 weeks I stopped gaining. Nothing like EVERYONE telling me how huge I was and how I'd have a monster sized child etc etc My Mother in law swore I'd have twins. Like pregnant women aren't emotional enough.
In the end I lost 20 lbs just by delivering and my babe didn't weigh quite seven pounds.
I hope to be pregnant again even if it means being abnormal and gaining more than 25-30 lbs. I read a parenting book from 1957 which stated a woman should gain no more than 20lbs...yeah right.
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